Muds & Rainbows

Before I start this emotionally driven entry, let me greet you all a merry happy new year! I know I should have updated last month. I have a lot to tell but sadly, I wasn't able to, until the excitement just died down and I wasn't able to share it.

Just last December 2017, I joined BLTX Naga, it's an event where a group of artists and writers sell zines and artworks. So basically, it's a zinefest/artfest! I had fun, and I didn't even expect many would buy my zines, and artworks. The four limited original wall design crafts were sold out, and only 3 zines from the second zine collection was left. Some of those who bought my zines even asked for an autograph, and took pictures with me. It's heart warming to know they already got inspired just by looking at it for a split second. Haha! One mom even asked me to write a short message for her daughter to pursue her passion in art/writing. I had fun conversing with them. Although I was a little bit quiet and nervous because G-A-H-D it was my first time and I don't know what to tell them about my work. It's still awkward for me to say, "Ah yes, this is my work, from all of my life experiences. It's traumatizing, but yes i got over it."

But still after that, I felt this self fulfillment for a short time. Like i'm actually doing something with my life and I have my friends to support me.

Next! Is that i'm joining Jack of all Trades: A Poetry, Music and Art Fair, to be held this year! On February 24, 2018 at Anthosia Cafe. I'll post a different promotional entry for that, hehe. So there, while my life looks like it's producing rainbows, it's not.

The first week of my 2018 was actually unexpected. I was just happy and contented, socializing and giving time to everyone I care for. When last year, I was this friend who couldn't be relied on, I want to evolve this year, to that friend anyone can just text or call right away. I'm not doing this just to give them back the favor of actually also being there for me when I needed them, but because they're my friends and I know what it feels to be alone so I wouldn't want them to feel the same. 

It went all okay, until now. Confusion dawned on me. It's as if there's this new personality emerging. As if i'm coming out of my comfort zone and it doesn't feel really good. I'm guessing it was because I had too much socialization in my everyday since the start of the year. It doesn't have an end. Everyday, I'm with someone, and forgetting my me times. Everyday, I'm socially and emotionally drained. But not because I didn't like their company but because I had too much people around me for a day. My body clock, my daily routine, they're all messed up for now. 

And there's only one thing I wanted to do. I want to get lost in order to find myself. It sounds cliche but it's what I want. I want to get lost in places, with people and with me alone. I want to find answers I can't find within myself. Because it's getting harder and harder everyday. 

I wanted to take a risk, to let go, to give myself more value, and to treasure whatever or whoever comes my way.

It's my life i'm going to fulfill anyway.

XOXO,
Sam